Step 2: People needs to buy into the leader before they buy into their message or leadership
The above saying is something I learnt from a leadership book written by John C Maxwell. This principle is something I hold dear as a leader. Perhaps this is very much wired in my DNA because I am a very "red" person (see my Emergenetics profile). Nevetheless, this key leadership principle holds true in most leadership situations I have observed in my professional life. After you have decided that coaching is somehting you will become, the next most important thing you need to do is to start building the relationship with the poeple you want to coach.
“In the past a leader was a boss. Today's leaders must be partners with their people... they no longer can lead solely based on positional power.”
Ken Blanchard
Get to know your team well and intentionally build rapport with them. If you want to be a good coach and build an effective team, you cannot rely on your position to coach and lead. Leaders who rely on their position to move people rarely develop trust or influence. I believe that leadership is all about influence. In contrast, when you start to build your relationship with your people, they will do more than merely comply with orders. They do so because they really want to follow you. Why? As a leader, you can only start to influence people with relationship, not position.
Building relationships develops a foundation for effective coaching. It is the relationships that build effective teams and keep the organisation going. The more barriers come down and relationships deepen, the more you will have the opportunity to influence and become a good coach to others. When people feel liked, cared for, included, valued, and trusted, they will then begin to open themselves up and be influenced by you as a coach. This is where your people change from being your subordinates to your followers.
Personally, my current coach is such a leader. He is objective and firm as a leader. His command presence is excellent and he is respected by many in my organisation. However, what made him a great coach and leader is not about his intelligence, strategic vision, operational prowess or even charisma. He is a great coaching leader who is able to influence his people because he cares for them, make them feel valued and trusted.
For me, getting to know my team members beyond their job scope and description is always one of my top priorities when I assume the position of their leader. In my opinion, building relationships is one of the strongest skill sets related to leadership effectiveness. I get to know my team members in a variety of ways. A short chat over coffee, over a shared meal, listening to what they say or what they do not say during meetings, and observing their behaviours in different situations. This is what I call ‘reading people’, a core skill in my line of work. In time, I will be able to determine my team members’ motivation and aspiration as well as commitment.
However, there is another dimension to building positive relationships with your people. Over the years, I have learnt that offering honest and constructive criticism in private could also forge positive relationships. Being fair and consistent in your behaviour can also help a leader to build positive relationships.
Building relationships is hard. It takes work. It takes consistency and sacrifice. As leaders, we are often tired, overworked and overwhelmed with KPIs and targets. By the time we are done, we will have very little emotional energy left to build relationships. Many will say “Where got time!” Well, to be effective as coaches or leaders, we have to pay the price because relationships are part and parcel of successful leadership. If we don’t have time to have strong relationships with those we lead, we should simply get out of leadership!
So, once you have decided to 'BE' a good coach (Step 1), the next step you need to work on is your relationship with your team. When your relationship with your team is good, not only it will help you to be a more effective coach, it will also help your team to make work more enjoyable, increase their energy level and opens up channels of communication.
If you have missed Step 1 of my Reflections on COACHING & LEADERSHIP.
Click here to read now!
Step 3 – To be continued next week. Stay tuned.
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