The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today.
Anonymous
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Leadership Moments 7/2012: Leadership Inspiration
This sounds like how we become better leaders over time.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Inspirational Quote
Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence -is the key to unlocking our potential.
Sir Winston Churchill
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Leadership Moments 6/2012: A Leadership Story
One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.
He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.
The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research,
Never had a year when he did not score.
The director asked,
"Did you obtain any scholarships in school?"
The youth answered "none".
The director asked,
"Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"
The youth answered,
"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.
The director asked,
"Where did your mother work?"
The youth answered,
"My mother worked as clothes cleaner.
The director requested the youth to show his hands.
The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.
The director asked,
"Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"
The youth answered,
"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books.
Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.
The director said,
"I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*
The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.
This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.
After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.
Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.
The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked:
"Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"
The youth answered,
"I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'
The Director asked,
"please tell me your feelings."
The youth said,
Number 1,
I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today.
Never had a year when he did not score.
The director asked,
"Did you obtain any scholarships in school?"
The youth answered "none".
The director asked,
"Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"
The youth answered,
"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.
The director asked,
"Where did your mother work?"
The youth answered,
"My mother worked as clothes cleaner.
The director requested the youth to show his hands.
The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.
The director asked,
"Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"
The youth answered,
"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books.
Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.
The director said,
"I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*
The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.
This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.
After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.
Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.
The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked:
"Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"
The youth answered,
"I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'
The Director asked,
"please tell me your feelings."
The youth said,
Number 1,
I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today.
Number 2,
By working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.
Number 3,
I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.
The director said,
"This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.
Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.
A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality"and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts.
When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others.
For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement.
He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*
You can let your kid live in a big house, give him a Driver & Car for going around, Eat a Good Meal, learn Piano, Watch a Big Screen TV. But when you are Cutting Grass, please let them experience it. After a Meal, let them Wash their Plates and Bowls together with their Brothers and Sisters. Tell them to Travel in Public Bus, It is not because you do not have Money for Car or to Hire a Maid, but it is because you want to Love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will Grow Grey, same as the Mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done..
Jim's Reflections:
- The above story can be used as a very good guide to new leaders. Leadership is not an "entitlement", leadership is earned with hard work and respect. The best and most effective leaders should never have a sense of entitlement. Great leaders are servant leaders, not entitled leaders. Many times in leadership, entitlement is like a cancer. If untreated, it grows more and consumes more until it destroys the leader. Entitlement can lead to ethical and moral compromise and challenges. Leaders begin to rationalise that their immoral or even illegal behaviour is okay, because they are entitled. I'm sure we have seen many of such examples everywhere.
"If leadership serves only the leader, it will fail. Ego satisfaction, financial gain, and status can all be valuable tools for a leader, but if they become the only motivations, they will eventually destroy a leader. Only when service for a common good is the primary purpose are you truly leading."
--Sheila Murray Bethel
- Today, leaders everywhere are being asked to inspire others with their visions, to empower their employees, to be accessible, to generate trust, and to be more creative and flexible. In the face of these demands, more leaders are realising that they need to draw on a deeper source of guidance, strength and influence - and that to be effective leaders they truly need to serve their employees, their organisations, and their communities. As such, leaders are servants not rulers!
"Servant-leadership is all about making the goals clear and then rolling your sleeves up and doing whatever it takes to help people win. In that situation, they don't work for you, you work for them."
--Ken Blanchard
- As a leader, you have the power to influence how others feel. A leader can make other people feel important and appreciated. The leader can and should create opportunities to provide rewards, recognition and thanks to his or her staff. A leader creates a work environment in which people feel important and appreciated. I always use the platinum rule when it comes to treating my people. In the Golden Rule, you treat others as you wish to be treated. In the Platinum Rule, you treat people as they wish to be treated. These are powerful, yet simple, ways you can reward and recognise people. These are powerful, yet simple, ways to make your team feel important and appreciated. So, set aside some time to appreciate you team. Some possible platforms, during team meetings (I try to do this once a month), informal moments, coaching sessions and even during your performance reviews.
"Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I may not forget you."
--William Arthur
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
In memory of Dr. Richard Teo who finished his race
Wonderful and inspiring sharing. I must share this on my blog.
Source: https://www.facebook.com/InMemoryOfDrRichardTeo
Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly came to share with the D1 class his life experience on 19-Jan-2012.
Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor. And I thought I'll
Source: https://www.facebook.com/InMemoryOfDrRichardTeo
Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly came to share with the D1 class his life experience on 19-Jan-2012.
Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor. And I thought I'll
just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.
Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.
Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.
So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.
You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.
So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.
So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.
So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.
Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.
This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.
See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..
You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.
Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.
Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?
There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.
Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.
Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.
Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.
Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.
A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.
Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.
Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.
We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.
Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.
You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.
So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.
I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.
Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way. With that I thank you, if you have any questions you have for me, please feel free. Thank you.
Here's the video of his talk...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umLkfADe17s
Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.
Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.
So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.
You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.
So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.
So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.
So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.
Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.
This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.
See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..
You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.
Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.
Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?
There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.
Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.
Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.
Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.
Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.
A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.
Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.
Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.
We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.
Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.
You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.
So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.
I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.
Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way. With that I thank you, if you have any questions you have for me, please feel free. Thank you.
Here's the video of his talk...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umLkfADe17s
Learning and Reflections from "the 3rd Alternative" - no, its not a science friction movie :)
When I was returning from my church service with my daughter last Sunday (it was raining cats and dogs), I slipped and fell. Hurt my right ankle badly and will be bedridden at least for the next one week. Besides clearing my office emails on my iPad daily, I decided to spend this 'enforced rest" on my neglected books. All my books were so excited because they finally got my attention! Wondering whether my fall was staged by them…hmmm
I’ve enjoyed everything I have read by the late Dr. Stephen Covey (1932 - 2012), and this book was no exception. I was given this book last week during a seminar specially conducted for facilitators of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People signature programme. (Yes, I'm a certified 7 Habits facilitator) If you are familiar with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People then you might think this book is just a rework and elaboration of habit 6, synergize, but it’s really much more than that.
Here is a short summary of what the book is all about.
Rather than my way or your way, Covey argues for a third way around any given situation. "The 3rd alternative" is conflict resolution technique that can "apply equally well to a playground, a battlefield, a boardroom, a legislative chamber, or a family kitchen." It isn't compromise per se, Covey says, since everyone loses something by compromising. Instead, the 3rd alternative offers a significantly better answer—synergy, i.e. "what happens when one plus one equals ten or a hundred or even a thousand!" Synergy can and has been used in the past at work and at home, in classrooms, cities, and the world at large. Covey describes, for example, the collaboration in recent decades among activists, politicians, property owners, and city planners to rejuvenate New York's Times Square. While synergy may not be an entirely new concept, the enthusiasm and urgency with which Covey introduces and explains it gives this volume its substance.
Source: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/3rd-alternative-stephen-r-covey/1100574515
Some of my key takeaways and insights from this book.
The book has lots of examples, case studies and stories on how people successfully found better alternatives to overcome their challenges. Frankly, I did not go through all of them. Too many, so I was selective with what I wanted to read. This book describes how one can empower members of families, communities, and nations to reduce and/or eliminate conflict, achieve self-fulfillment and happiness, and experience peace. The various stories and case studies presented were interesting and effective in communicating how one can revolutionise society by changing one's paradigm of how individuals can be valued, treated, and heard.
One of the key concepts of this book is 'HEART" (sounds like my organisation's values). Until we understand people's hearts, not just their minds and ideologies, nothing can happen. That's why it's absolutely essential to create opportunities for people to listen to each other with the heart, mind, and spirit." (p. 402)
Please note that I read many case studies and stories in this book (selectively) and these were some of the concepts, thinking, principles, ideas and ideologies that resonated with me. You may pick up or focus on different things if you read it.
About creating 3rd alternative family (pp. 159-172)
"If you want to improve your marriage, look in the mirror."
(Jim's reflection: Yes, it is always easy to blame or shift the responsibilities to your spouse. You cannot change others, you can only change yourself. So, if you want a better marriage, you have to start asking "What can I do to make it better?")
"Love is not just a feeling for someone; it is also the willingness to see her as a person in her own right."
"I enter marriage or parenthood with my idea of what I want to be like. I have expectations of family members. But it's a great mistake to impose my ideas and expectations on them. If I love them, I will see them first as individuals and then seek to understand their differences. To reduce loved ones to my idea of what they should be is to turn them into things. And people are not things."
"Don't try to make your spouse better; try to make him or her happy. We have the tendency to want our spouses to be more like us, as if our way were better way. That never works, and it disregards the unique gifts they bring to the marriage. Instead of trying to make them over into your own image, appreciate their differences, run with them, and put your efforts into trying to make them happy."
(Jim's reflections: Totally agree with these lines. I told myself this many years back. I will not try to change my wife (although she is trying everyday to change me) I will just focus on making her the happiest Mrs. Jimmy Lee everyday!)
"Most family conflicts are identity conflicts. If my self-worth is threatened, I respond by attacking the self-worth of others; this response is a way of compensating for our deep vulnerabilities. If I want a happy marriage, I will choose to design my identity, choose my roles, be a kind of person that generates positive energy, be more understanding, empathetic, consistent and a loving parent. I will determine the destiny of my family."
"Our children are not little robots just waiting to be programmed by their parents. Every child is unique. Note down all their strengths and acknowledged them. Tell them because people are often aware of their weaknesses but not their strengths."
(Jim's reflections: That was exactly my intentions when I drew these 2 mind maps in 2009 for both my girls and hung them in their bedroom. I just wanted both my girls to know that they have wonderful strengths that both daddy and mommy appreciate.)
Wisdom from the great cellist Pablo Casals:
"What do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are?
We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move.
You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel?
You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children."
Pablo Casals (1876-1973)
Spanish Cellist
In all Covey's teachings, he focuses on the principle of inside out. The 'Inside-Out' approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to start with the most inside part of self - with your paradigms, your character, and your motives.
The inside-out approach says that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others. The principle of an inside out approach also says that it is futile to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving ourselves. Basically you need to master yourself before you can work well with others.
In the ‘me-first’, ‘win-at-all-cost’, ‘grab-all-the-money-you-can’ kind of culture we live in today, what is needed more now than ever is a dose of common sense, back-to-basics thinking—a commitment to tried-and-true principles. In this book, Covey shared with us in the last few pages 20 things we can do to develop inner character strength so that we can become a more effective person that can make a difference to the people and community you are in. I found these tips useful and relevant. When I practice these tips, I find myself happier and more effective in achieving my personal mission & vision. I hope you will find some of these tips useful. (pp. 437-438)
20 things we can do to develop inner character strength so that we can become a more effective person
1. Beware of pride. Let go of needing always to be "right".
2. Learn to say I'm sorry. Do it quickly once you realise you have fallen short or hurt someone. Be sincere and don't hold back. And you don't go just half way. Apologise fully, take responsibility, and express your desire to understand.
3. Be quick to forget and forgive. Remember, you choose whether or not to be offended. If you feel offended, let it go.
4. Make and keep very small promises to yourself and others. Your own integrity will become your greatest source of security and strength.
5. Spend time in nature. Create space in your life everyday for reflection and appreciate the world around you. Nurture not just your mind but also your soul.
6. Read widely it's one of the best ways to make mental connections and get insights that can lead you to become a better person. Yes, that's what I'm doing now :) I'm also sharing this with all of you because I believe that when I share, I learn better and deeper.
7. Exercise often, every day if possible; and eat healthy food, with balance and moderation. The body is the instrument of the mind and spirit. Common sense but not common practice. I'm guilty too!
8. Get enough sleep, at least 7 to 8 hours daily. Science tells us that the brain grows new connections during sleep, which is why we often awake with sparkling new ideas. You will be more able to give the emotional, mental, and spiritual energy needed to become an effective person when you have enough sleep.
9. Study inspiring literature. Ponder and reflect deeply on these inspiring literature, insights will come. Yes, this works. I have been doing this for many years and I made me a more insightful person over time. try it!
10. Make quiet time for yourself to think through creative 3rd alternative solutions to your challenges. In fact, make quiet time for yourself to think about your life, future and contributions.
11. Express love and appreciation to those with whom you associate. Devote time to learn about the people around you. What is important to them? What is their story? I always believe that the quality of our lives can be determined by the quality of the relationships around us.
12. You have two ears and one mouth: use them proportionately.
13. Practice being generous with others -- with your time, your heart, your forgiveness, and your affirmation. Be generous in sharing your resources with those in need. Have an abundant mindset. Be generous with and forgive yourself. We all have weaknesses.
14. Avoid comparing yourself to others. You have your own journey and you are unique. I know god has a path laid for me, I will just follow.
15. Be grateful. Express it.
16. Learn to become enthusiastically relentless about discovering how to create great wins for others - wins that increased their peace, their happiness, and their prosperity. Help others to win!
17. When things aren't going well, take a break, take a walk around the block, get a good nights sleep, and come back at it with the freshness and perspective of a new day.
18. If you truly can't reach win-win, remember that "no deal" in some cases it's the best alternative.
19. When it comes to other people, their reactions, their weaknesses, and peculiarities, just smile a lot.And when this comes to your own children, remind yourself, "This, too, shall pass."
20. Never stop believing in the possibility that there is a better way than your way or my way.
Well, there you have it. I hope my reflections and sharing in this long blog entry useful. I would strongly encourage your to read this book if you have the opportunity and time to do so.
Until my next sharing, take care and god bless.
Jim
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Inspirational Quote
If we all worked on the assumption that
what is accepted as true were really true,
there would be little hope of advance.
Orville Wright
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Leadership Moments 5/2012: Reflections on COACHING & LEADERSHIP (Part 3 of 3)
Step 3: Talk your walk and walk your talk
I agree that leadership and coaching is not just about changing your mindset and building relationships so that you have the permission to lead and coach. Leadership and coaching is also about knowing the process involved and mastering a set of skills to produce tangible results.
To be an effective leader and coach, we need to have the necessary skills, knowledge and abilities (SKAs). These SKAs can be learnt and developed over time (if you are intentional about it). As such, I will not elaborate too much here. Besides process and skills, the best way to lead and coach your people is to model the behaviour you wish to see.
“When a leader’s identity and actions are consistent, the results he gets are consistent. When they are inconsistent, then so are the results.” ~ John C. Maxwell
Leading by example is how leaders provide evidence that they are deeply and personally committed to the behaviours they value. Credible leaders practice what they preach. They do what they say they will do, and thus set the example for others to follow. The most important personal quality people look for and admire in a leader is congruence. As I have mentioned in Step 2, if people don’t believe in the messenger, they won’t believe the message. Titles may be granted, but leadership is earned. Exemplary leaders know that it’s their behavior that earns them respect. The real test is whether they do what they say; whether their words and deeds are consistent. Leaders set an example and build commitment through simple, daily acts that create progress and build momentum. This is one of the most effective way of leading and coaching I have experienced from effective leaders I have encountered.
(Note above) This was a farewell note one of my interns gave to me before she went back to her studies. I'm glad she had a fun time with me :)
As a leader and coach, I will never ask my people to do what I am not prepared to do myself. When I tell them that a particular task is possible, I know that it is possible because I have been there, done that. This is important because it can affect your credibility as a leader. If I expect my people to behave or think in a certain way, I must model it everyday. This is the best form of leading and coaching. If I want my people to pick themselves up when they fall, they must know that I have fallen before and I have picked myself up and moved on. If I want my unit’s work atmosphere to be pleasant and the environment easy to work in (A Great Place to Work, Learn and Grow), I must (as their leader) behave in such a way that will create lots of positive energy and fun. If I want my team to work collaboratively with each other, I must also do so by example! If I want my team to work very hard, I must work twice as hard! If I want my team to grow and become better, I need to keep growing myself daily. People pay more attention to the values and behaviours their leaders actually use than to those the leaders say they believe in. Effective leaders and coaches must set good examples, establish high standards for themselves, and personally practice what they preach.
“The three most important ways to lead people are: by example… by example… by example.” ~ Albert Schweitzer
Before I assume any new leadership post, I will always review my contribution statement and roles (Please see Step 1 for my Contribution and Purpose Statement) to determine the behaviours I want to exhibit. I will do up a table to clarify my thinking on how I want to behave on a daily basis. As a leader, I need to ensure my behaviours are aligned with my values and roles I set for myself. These behaviours will tell people what my values are much more than any words or speeches. This alignment of my behaviours and values must be intentional. Below is an example.
My Roles | My Behaviours | Desired Results/Outcomes |
Character Driven Leader | Do right, Be Honest | Credibility, Trust |
Builder of relationships | Care for the team, Collaborate with all stakeholders | Sense of community created within the unit |
Motivator and Inspiring Leader | Motivate, Encourage, Appreciate | High morale, Positive culture |
Coach & Teacher | Listen, none judgemental, believe in people, Seize teachable moments | Growth in team members, Trust and Confidence |
“Chief Combat Engineer” * A combat engineer's goals involve facilitating movement and support of friendly forces. Their main role is to clear the path for success. I often call myself the Chief Combat Engineer in my unit. Helping my team to clear the path for their success. | Help team to clear obstacles so that they can do their work, Clear the way, Provide support | Results, Growth in team members, High morale, Sense of achievement |
To do this, you need to be very clear of you values, your roles and your key purpose and contribution (Step 1). I do this because I believe that my behaviour as a leader and coach can have a tremendous impact on my unit’s Culture, Values and Trust. These daily actions and behaviours on my part will demonstrate that I am committed to do what I say and say what I do.
(Note above) This was a farewell note one of my staff gave to me before she left for greener pastures. I was rather glad when I read what she wrote. I told myself quietly that some of my intentional behaviours as a leader were observed and appreciated by her and I am on the right track.
Leaders need to lead by example and over time, followers will behave like their leaders. This is true. After working with my current coach for 2 years, I noticed that I am very much influenced by his values, adopt some of his working methods and also emulate some of his quirks and habits. As such, as a leader, we must always make sure we behave in such a way that will help our people to become what they are truly capable of.
Personally, leadership and coaching is a journey for me. I am still learning and making mistakes everyday. As I go through this journey, my goal is to reflect so that I might learn from my successes and mistakes, discover what I should try to repeat, and determine what I should change. To me, writing this blog on subjects I am passionate about is always a valuable exercise for my personal growth. By mentally visiting past situations, it can help me to think with greater understanding and clarity. Few things in life can help me learn and improve the way reflective thinking can.
Besides helping me to become a better leader and coach, I hope my sharing will help you to gain some insights and develop new perspectives on leadership and coaching. Effective leaders and coaches can make a positive impact to the people they lead no matter where they are in the organisation, no matter what title of position they have, no matter what kind of people they work with. I hope you will keep working on improving your leadership and coaching abilities and make a positive impact in the lives of the people you lead.
Jim
Step 3: Talk your walk and walk your talk
“The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent the positions or opinions of any organisation or individuals.”
“The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent the positions or opinions of any organisation or individuals.”
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