Picture Source: http://www.verybestquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Happy-New-Year-2013-Goodbye-2012-Make-a-new-ending.jpg
Happy New Year everyone!
2012 was an eventful and exciting year for me. My sense of contribution back at work was tremendous and there were lots of personal learning and growth. My ladies are happy and both my little darlings are growing up fast and well :)
2012 was an eventful and exciting year for me. My sense of contribution back at work was tremendous and there were lots of personal learning and growth. My ladies are happy and both my little darlings are growing up fast and well :)
As I look back and reflect on 2012, I asked myself the following questions…
What things did I do well in 2012? What can I do better?
What did I learn about myself and others?
How would I have to change to be more effective for the coming year?
What would I think or do differently in 2013?
To guide me along, I reviewed my personal mission statement and life purpose so that my thinking for 2013 will be aligned with my “end in mind”. Living my life with a purpose is something important for me. My personal core beliefs and values will shape my decisions, my day-to-day actions and determine my priorities.
In 2013, I will continue to live my life with passion. I shall continue to wake up each morning eager to face the new day. I will pursue my dreams and passions with fervor and give my best in everything I do (and in all my roles I play). I will continue to focus on the people around me (home, social circles, and work) because the quality of the relationships I have with the people around me will determine greatly the quality of my life. I will be satisfied with what I have and who I am. I will continue to make my daily contributions to the people around me. As the saying goes, “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” And lastly, I will cherish every moment and to seek to live life without regret.
For 2013, I would like to focus on 3 important 'Mental Models' that I think can make a huge difference in helping me to achieve my personal life mission and purpose. They are,
1. Change the way I think and talk to myself (My Self Talk);
2. How I see others (Jimmy don’t compare); and
3. How I relate to others (Add value to others whenever you can).
My Self Talk
“He who would be useful, strong, and happy must cease to be a passive receptacle for the negative, beggarly, and impure streams of thought; and as a wise householder commands his servants and invites his guests, so must he learn to command his desires and to say, with authority, what thoughts he shall admit into the mansion of his soul.” – James Allen
Whether I like it or not, I know that I always have a running conversation with myself all the time. What is the nature of yours? Do you encourage yourself? Or do you criticise yourself? If I am positive in my self talk, then I will help myself to create a positive self-image. If I am negative in my internal conversations, I will undermine my self-worth.
Where does negative, critical self-talk come from? Usually from our upbringing and the people around us. By the time I’m 21 years old, I think I have heard the phrase “No you can’t” many many times!
Our self talk is very powerful. It can really influence the way you think and behave. I recalled vividly in 2009 when I encountered a major career setback, negative self talk flooded my mind. These negative conversations inside me affected my mood and behaviours. Luckily I was able to realise what the negative self talk was doing to me and turned it around by having more positive conversations in my head. Many friends and colleagues asked me how did I manage to overcome this major career setback so quickly. I just simply smile at them :)
If I want to change my life, I have to change the way I think about myself. If I want to change the way I think of myself, I need to change the way I talk to myself. The older we are, the more responsible we are for how we think, talk and believe (we are more “response-able”). I will always have a choice! Don’t I have enough problems and challenges in life already? Why add to them by discouraging myself every day with negative self talk?
Picture Source: http://jp5.r0tt.com/l_19de37e0-df4b-11e1-b60f-a1459eb00005.jpg
For 2013, I will become my own encourager and cheerleader. Every time I do a good job, I will not let it pass. I will give myself a compliment. Every time I make a mistake, I will not bring up everything that’s wrong with myself. I will tell myself that I am paying the price for growth and that I will learn to do better next time. Every positive thing I can say about myself will help to make my 2013 better!
Jimmy don’t compare
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself” - Max Ehrman
We tend to compare ourselves with others. Our status, our career, our cars, our bodies, our lives… After doing that for many years (as I reflect) I realised how harmful it was. What happens when you compare yourself to others? Usually you either perceive the other person to be far ahead of you and you feel discourage, or you perceive yourself to be better than the other person and become proud. Neither is good for you, and neither will help you to grow.
Comparing yourself with others is a needless distraction and it can hurt. When my career progression was put on hold for several years, I can’t help but to compare myself with my peers and that hurts. I felt that life was not fair and I deserved better! Negative thoughts flowed through me and it was a very ‘dark period’ of my life. It was not a good feeling. The only one you should compare yourself to is ‘you’. This is something I always tell my 2 girls when they compare themselves with their friends.
My mission in 2013 is to be happy and enjoy who I am. I will not compare and allow others to deprive me of my gratitude, joy, happiness, growth and fulfillment that is within my reach. I will become better today than I was yesterday. I will do that by focusing on what I can do today to improve and grow. I know that if I do that enough, and if I look back and compare the Jimmy years ago to the Jimmy today, I should be greatly encouraged by my progress.
Life is short and we should appreciate all the wonderful things about life and who we are. I know I have much to celebrate about who I am and I am unique. Comparing my life with others is not exactly like comparing apples to apples. I will live my life the way I want it to and I should expect my path to be different from others.
Add value to others whenever you can
“Do you know the difference between success and significance? I know a lot of people who believe they are successful because they have everything they want. They have added value to themselves. But I believe significance comes when you add value to others—and you can’t have true success without significance.” – John C Maxwell
Most people focus on themselves because we always see the glass as half empty. Everything is scarce and we have a scarcity mentality in almost everything we do. We often feel inadequate, as such, we often focus inordinately on ourselves. We can sometimes become self-protective and selfish because we need to survive in this ‘dog eat dog world’.
If this is true for you, I suggest you should combat these feelings by serving others and adding value to them. Making a difference – even a small one- in the lives of other people lifts one’s self esteem. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something good for someone else. In addition to that, adding value to others makes them value you more. It creates a cycle of positive feelings from one person to another.
One of the reasons why my work (in 2012) was very satisfying and fulfilling because I knew I had added value to many people around me. I was not thinking about rewards or recognition when I value add or tried to help others. But strangely, rewards and recognition came my way. Life is indeed strange, when you don’t ask for ‘it’ (can be anything), it will give you ‘it’ in abundance.
In 2013, I will continue to sow seeds that will value add others. I will use my influence, time, experience, knowledge and passion to value add and help others around me. This is also consistent with my personal life purpose. When I do this well, I know I will grow because I cannot give anything that I don’t have. In order for me to value add others, I have to value add myself first. Life would be more meaningful for me :)
Picture Source: http://btmnetworking.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/value-added.gif
Well, there you have it, my My Self Talk, Mental Orientations and Contributions in 2013!
It will be another exciting and eventful 2013 I’m sure because “if it is to be, it is up to me!” (quote by Johnsen, William H.)
1. Change the way I think and talk to myself (My Self Talk);
2. How I see others (Jimmy don’t compare); and
3. How I relate to others (Add value to others whenever you can).
It will be another exciting and eventful 2013 I’m sure because “if it is to be, it is up to me!” (quote by Johnsen, William H.)
Have a great 2013 my friends.
Love Jim.
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